Who is that Chick?!

My life has been all over the board in the last two years. I've wanted to blog, but I just couldn't pull myself to focus on it. There was so much that needed my attention and I just needed time to find out who I was, where I was going and if there was any way to get there. Do I have all those answers yet? No! But my head is clear, I know who I am now.

This was me in June 2012--

Yeah.... packing extra pounds, insecure, hating who I was. I felt stuck in a situation and it wasn't good.

Fast forward to May and August, respectfully, of 2014--

Wooha! Who is that chick? I had to use two pics, I couldn't pick which I liked more. Surely that isn't the same gal? It is!! I'm gorgeous, I'm full of life, I've lost weight... and not at the gym... and I love me! I LOVE ME!

What made the transformation you ask? Well if you read any of my past posts you would know things were kinda all over during the last two years... if they even made it on here. I survived a divorce, I got my mind, emotions and health back in line. I spent time focusing on my son and myself. I've fought some hard battles but I've come out on top. I choose to not stop living, I chose to not give up.

I'm ready to blog again. Yes, I plan to keep on blogging about being healthy and living off of what you can bring forth on your own land, but I also want to talk about the ups and downs of being a single mom, insecurities of dating again. I want to talk about life. I've learned over the course of these last two years that there are sssssoooooooo many women, both married and single, that don't love themselves. I'm not talking being self centered, I'm talking looking in the mirror and despising what they see looking back at them. There are single moms who question if they are giving their child the best that they can, is it good enough, will they be a mature and responsible contribution to society. How about the crazy thoughts of dating again?! I have had a number of married women tell me they are so grateful they don't have to do that process again.

My life has been an interesting ride on many roads... crazy city roads at times! But, I've made it. I've found a nice country road with scenic views. It's beautiful here. Not perfect! I've driven through a few storms, over some potholes and have had to stop for the occasional deer who wants to hold me up, but I've made it. So, please join me. Let's encourage each other, support each other, help each other on this journey. And while we are at it, we can chase chickens, milk goats/cows, harvest an abundance of food and get a good work out. Will you join me? Will you be there during the ups and downs and laughs and tears?

A New Year.

Life keeps changing and moving fast. New people enter your life as old ones exit. I look forward to this year and all it may have in store for me. Perhaps this will be the year we get to move and start our country life.

So many people have been talking about their new years resolutions. I, personally, don't enjoy making resolutions. Most times they are above what is practical or capable. This year I have set goals for myself though. I would like to start dancing again. To gain my balance, to be able to do so gracefully. To daily read the bible with my son. To have lights out no later then 10:30, but to aim for 10. All practical and yet little things that will make daily life healthier.

Happy New Year!

Dream.

Do you know what is hard? When you know what you want and what you long for... but you don't know the details, the fine print. Then you have those moments where you think you see it. You think things are coming together, but then you realize no, it's not.

In all of this you still cant stop going forward, life doesn't stop. You have to keep going and just figure it out as it happens. One day all the pieces will fall into place, you will sit back and think of how that is so beautiful. It's perfect.

I'm a dreamer... a big dreamer. I dream of the impossible, the things that are too big to make sense. I'm happy with those dreams. I have gone a long time with out dreams, why not dream big now?  I serve a God who gives us the desires of our hearts, a God who enjoys making the impossible happen.

So dream away, dreamer!

Home School Advice Please

I love home schooling my son... most days. Like any child, he has days that he does amazing and he has days where nothing seems to make sense to him. I have days where I want to scream and must excuse myself from the room for a few minutes so I don't and days where I am amazed at his progress.

He is in second grade now. I feel that I should be able to leave him at the table to work on a page while I do something in the same room. He, however, becomes helpless when I am not by his side giving him my complete attention. How do you other parents handle your kids? Do you feel they should be able to do some of their schooling with out you pointing at every single word they need to read? How do I teach my son to be independent with the easy papers? 

Turkeys!

It has been sad to go out the door and see the empty run in the front. It is sad to not have sweet Violet to greet me daily, as if she were a dog. So to make good use of the space, we brought our turkeys home. We have four of them and we had been keeping them at a friends house with her turkeys.

My opinion on turkeys hasn't changed much by having them... I think turkeys are ugly. However, I do greatly enjoy the calls and sounds they make during the day. It's a new adventure and it is something fun.

Coons. Ugh.

A week ago we got 5 sweet chicks. We put them in the front run with Violet and Little It. It was a week of great enjoyment watching them flip around and freak out Violet and It. As the older, more mature two...haha, right... Violet and It would just keep their distance. However, Violet would let us know, in her motherly way, if one of the chicks was in trouble.

When we went to let the chickens out this morning, something was wrong. The front coop door was pried open a few inches. The chicks and Little It were mutilated. Sweet Violet had a gaping hole in her side and her little head was torn up. She laid on her back unable to move, but still breathing. It was horrible.

I told my dad I never wanted to be the life taker. I would raise whatever we needed, but he was to be the life taker. As I looked at her, she blinked and opened her mouth and closed it. I started to cry. My father was an hour away at work. My mom was suppose to meet a friend to process some meat birds. It was left to me. I went down to the garage and got an ax. I made my way up to the coop. Told my dear, sweet Violet I was so sorry and swung. Then, like any mature lady, I sat down and cried and cried. My hands were shaking so bad. It was horrible. The sight.

You sit there and go, if only I had the windows open and didn't use the air conditioner last night. If only I had double checked the door to make sure it was as tight as it could be. But, in the end you have to sit back and say it is part of how life goes. You win some, you lose some. You cry, then you get up, dust off your pants and rejoice, because the other half of the flock was safe in their coop. You still have eggs for tomorrow. The day goes on.

 

Me with little Oyster and Porcelain

Amazing How Life Changes.

It is amazing how my life has changed in one year. I feel like a whole new person. I have walked through a lot of stuff this past year. I had my ups and my downs. I let the blog go for a spell to focus on me. But it has all been good.

Peaceful.

I have been getting out hiking more and more. Oh how I missed hiking. And let's just say....after years of not being able to be as active as I wish.... we are out of shape!! I have been to a few different places exploring God's creation. I have many more on my list that I plan to enjoy. I love land that is hardly touched by man...the clam that hangs in the air, the peace that surrounds you. It feels like freedom to me. Perfect in all ways.

Beautiful!

Bowling

I have also gotten to enjoy so much with my little man. Z and I have been able to go to the park and camp out in the yard. We have enjoyed fires in the fire pit. We have hiked a bit together. He loves to explore the woods now that he is getting older. It reminds me of when I was young. He is sucking everything up in his little brain and
becoming a wealth of knowledge. It is amazing  to watch his little mind at work. We have also been able to go bowling about once a week through the summer weeks. And because I am such a good mom... on one of our outdoor outings, I made him take his shoes off and dip his toes in a little creek. Mind you, there was a lot of protest, but every child needs to know what it is like to walk in fresh water!

Get those feet wet!

Fishing OC

Back in June, I attempted to fish at the shore for the first time....well lets just say the sea gulls were great entertainment! There were seven of us along the shore line fishing and of the seven of us, one gentleman caught a skate. The rest of us, well, we just seemed to be feeding the invisible fish that we could feel and see making our rods bounce, but they just wouldn't take the hook with the bait. My friend E did almost hook a sea gull though. That was a little humoring watching it grab the line and dive into the water to get free. And just for the record, it did get free and was uninjured. It was a beautiful June day. It was windy and cold (hence the crazy hair and hoodie!).

And as if this isn't enough excitement to post at one time, I also started to play my bass guitar again. I have greatly missed this part of my life... just like I have missed so much of everything else! There is an amazing band that has asked me to play as needed and I have been blessed by them. It has been a bit of a learning experience for me as well! Learning new music, learning to play their style. I've also learned that when you are playing outdoor gigs... even with a good sound check.... you can hardly hear once you start to play!

July 4th gig.

A lot has changed. I am happy and content with life. I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life. I am excited to see how it will unfold and who will be apart of it. God is good, He has watched out for me and He continues to guide me.