Thursday, February 5, 2015

The End of Online Dating.

Mothers. They are amazing people. Even when they sign you up for online dating. SURPRISE! I am happy to say that after a year and half of multiple dating sites, I am finished! It is a glorious thing!! I've meet and talked to some amazing guys. I know it is not the desired path for me and if my face happens to appear on another one... it is most likely my mom.

Fare thee well!
That said... Here are my thoughts (and some gleaned from the people I've gotten to talk to)-

1. It's like you are selling yourself. Setting up your account is stressful and fun. You go through all your pictures picking out a handful. You answer all the questions that describe who you are. But, while doing this you are picking apart every little thing. Should I use this picture? Maybe not, the angle is horrible and makes me look wide. My eyes look crossed in that one. While typing out your answers you question if you should say it like that, you may seem like a snob. But don't mention this, guys may not talk to you right away. It's like a guessing game of what will get more people interested in talking.
2. Honesty... say what?!?! Nothing better then reading a profile and thinking "Wow, this guy seems like he has it together, loves Jesus and could be a possible match". Then you start talking and suddenly mister do good turns out to be the opposite. He doesn't really own that home... it's his parents... and he lives there... with no job in the foreseen future. Or, 5'10" really means 5'7". Yes, I can tell how tall you are in person. How about my personal favorite.... "Yes, I am a Christian. Let me tell you about Allah. By the way, you are a strong willed woman that needs to be controlled by the wills of god." Umm, what god? Allah god? Than yes, I am a strong willed woman and no, I will not be controlled. (True story, that date happened!) It all ties back to the first thought, selling yourself. Just be real.

3. It's okay to say no. Sometimes it is so hard to not answer the questions/email sent to you. You feel rude if you don't.... even if there is zero interest. Or you start talking and realize that nope, he is so not the one. It may not be easy, but it is okay to say no.

4. You don't have to stay friends. A number of times I talked to guys who were really interested in talking further, but it just didn't feel right for me or my son. And then you get the "can we be friends". Followed by you feel bad for saying well, no. I'm not looking to make friends. I will say that the second guy I talked to on eH did turn out to be an amazing friend. We keep in touch and tend to see each other every other month. Not everyone is meant to be friends, not everyone is mean to be a permanent part of your life.

5. It's still discouraging. I was signed up for online dating because I had been discouraged with trying to meet people in person. It seemed that every time I said I'm a single mom, guys ran. It was so easy to have someone ignore you or turn you down online. But even that became discouraging after you spent time talking to a guy and having them say they want to end conversation after a number of weeks/months, because they meet a girl who doesn't have a child. It hurts, you cry, and then you just keep on going. I mean if they aren't interested in my son, then I'm not interested in them. We are a package deal. But, it still hurts that people can't see the amazing blessing he is to me. I found myself ignoring emails and keeping it all surface business talk. But you have to take a chance and push through your discouragement. When you do, you just might find an interesting guy who is willing to be patient with your business mode and wait for you to get comfortable with conversation.

This much I know... it's not the life style for me! I know it has worked for some, that is totally awesome! I look forward to seeing who the man of my future will be. But it also feels so good to deactivate the account and say it is finished!

This post is connected to:
Wise Woman Linkup
Modest Monday Link Up