Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Why Do We Choose to Regret?

Every now and then a random song will pop into my head. A person may trigger a thought that leads to a song. Or a word someone speaks could spark an outburst of musical talent. There is always a song in this head of mine.
Today’s song, of unwanted choice, happened to be Adel- Someone Like You. Now mind you, Adel is not someone I would listen to. I do, however, like the heart and passion she puts into her songs. She doesn’t demand an audience because she can, but rather because she has talent and passion in what she brings forth.
That said I couldn’t help but listen to the song and feel sorry for so many. Why do we let fear hold us back? How much of life do we miss out on when we step away from what is good. Yes, sometimes we hope to find something that is better. But other times it is simply because we are scared that it is too good for us or what if the situation changes. We lock ourselves up in this silent prison and wait until it’s to late and we are left saying "we hope to find someone like you". When we could have had it from the beginning of it all.
Sometimes, our lives get confused and wrapped up in the pleasing of others. Like, keeping a standard for your family name. By trying to appease others we give up on who we are. To surrender who we are is a guaranteed way to let a part of you die.
I would like to challenge you to let go of fear. Take that chance when the good is looking you in the eyes and try it out. Let joy be apart of your life instead of hesitation. Don’t miss out on the best and get stuck settling for seconds. Don’t let Adel’s song come up on the radio and cause you to feel like you are hearing someone talk about your life in similar words.

The Crazy Beauty.

The place of letting go and letting life be at peace. It’s a beautiful place to be.
As I had previously mentioned, I had given online dating a try, compliments of my mother and her handiwork. Well, one of those oh so sweet guys I had once met re-contacted with me back in August. He asked the what if… what if we worked… what if we lived closer to each other…. what if we weren’t headed in different directions. I assured him he was an amazing guy with lots of promise for the right girl. I was just not that girl. He asked if I was sure. I told him I was content being just as I was with my precious son.
That was the truth. I finally hit that place in life to being at peace with how life was panning out. I was content with it being just my son and myself. I was content not having nor searching for a man to fill the quiet void. In fact, life no longer felt lonely. I was happy.
That would be about when crazy kicked in. My dear friend, Alex, came in for the weekend and joined my mother at her computer with a bottle of wine. Next thing I knew they were laughing and giggling and enjoying themselves far too much. I went to check on them and saw they were on yet another dating site! For real?! They found a guy they thought was perfect for me. He was good looking. Had a nice write up. But, he was a redneck. Like totally a redneck. Raised truck, lots of camo, backwoods redneck.
I talked to him for a few days and we decided to meet for dinner. No. No, no, no, no, no! This guy doesn’t stand a chance. As we walked out to the trucks I planned on sending him on his way…. but, some how I agreed to a second date. Which he planed for two days later! I asked him all the heavy questions. He was suppose to run! He didn’t. We walked out to the trucks to say our good nights and he hugged me. It was different. It was warm. Protective. And felt safe. Something was different about this guy. Four days later we meet again. This time he took me to his back yard and we shot guns for a spell. The next day, he met my family. A week later I met his. Then he met my son and suddenly life was in a world wind. I felt like I knew this guy forever. There weren’t many topics we didn’t breach while talking. Talking was easy.
My son loved the man. My parents liked the man. The man broke down my walls. My protective barriers that I used to be sure no man would get too close… no man would hurt me… he tore them down as if they were made of tissue paper. He won my heart. He won my love. And I his. When he asked for my hand, my father didn’t hesitate. My mother was sure. My son giggled.
In this crazy thing we call life, beauty comes when we least expect it. Beauty comes when we learn to be happy and content with life. This crazy beautiful thing we call life. We call love. We call happiness.