Saturday, July 30, 2016

Be Still. Be At Peace…. Say WHAT?!

Ok fellow mothers out there, how good are we at just sitting and watching everyone else do it all? Mhmm. That’s what I thought. Not really good. At least not most of us. It is ingrained in us to go and do. Take care of our little ones… take care of our homes… take care of our men…  Sadly, sometimes even in that order when our men should be first. 

Now, imagine buying your first home that needs a little tlc and you are 7 months pregnant. Not a pretty sight, huh. You have dreams, you have vision, you have plans………… and then you start spotting………. with a few small contractions. Knowing you over did it, you call the midwife who tells you “you’re done”.  Period. End of story. Sit on your butt and look at this diamond in the rough of a home you just purchased.  Don’t lift a finger while your amazing husband, who works form 1:30 in the morning till 3:00 in the afternoon, tries his hardest to get the home in a some what livable condition. 

Thankfully, an amazing group of people came in on a Saturday and did a ton of work for us. Enough work that I was able to finally bring home the kitchen table and have a place for my family to sit and eat dinner together. It was a beautiful night. I may have had a tear in my eye. I was blown away by the generosity of this group. All I had to do was feed them. And, of course, watch. It was stressful. I wanted to help. I wanted to get it done faster so they could be with their families too. But  I couldn’t. Just watch.

That amazing man, that I promised my tomorrows to, has worked tirelessly… or maybe in a half asleep state… to lay beautiful laminate flooring in our living room and through the hallway to cover the horrid floors the house once boosted. He graciously took the spray bottles of essential oils and vinegar that I made to help defeat the breath taking, headache inducing smells left behind. And then would crawl out of bed at 1 in the morning to go to work and provide for our family.  And I watched.
As he completes each little step of making this diamond our home, I congratulate him. I cheer him on. I tell him it’s ok to take a break. I try and cook him the best meals I can. But still, I watch. The tugging in my heart and the battle with my inner self to just watch, is great. But it’s starting to wane.
I’m learning to be at peace. To not be the one in control, doing it all. Yes, I see lines I would have stroked differently, patterns I would have laid differently, things I would have cleaned differently, but I let it go. I tell myself that this isn’t my forever home. It is the first step in my life with my husband and son and soon to be daughter. It is our start. It isn’t perfect, it is a diamond in the rough.