Traveling Down a Silent Trail.

We all have those dreams. The ones we may speak of, but are mostly kept deep in our hearts. A dream so real we can feel it. Taste it. See it. But we know we shall never reach it. It's a beautiful dream. Wonderful one, really.

Appalachian Trail. That's my dream. When I close my eyes I can feel the freedom. I can smell the fresh scent of creation. But, I'm a mom. The giggles of my two little bobbling heads and near eye level gaze of my son, Z, remind me the greatest things in my life require my presence. To leave this life for half a year to taste the freedom a trail brings me, it's just not meant to be a dream that comes true.

This life is hard. It is filled with moments of stress, sleepless nights. Worries try to consume you and dare you to question your standing. You try with all that is in you to stand firm on that rock. Some days the waves of life hit hard. They flirt with the foundation, testing the strength. Will the next one resound with uncertainty that will cause crumbling to echo into the silent face that stood resilient for so long?

It's in those moments I let the dream live from within. When sleep has fallen upon my home, all the snuggles have been had for the day, it is then that I drift away to the comforts of my sun porch and pull open my laptop. I devour the stories others have experienced traveling the A.T. I close my eyes and journey into the unknown with a stranger leading the way. I see the land, the critters, the flowers, the rocks through their eyes. I'm touching my dream in the most real way possible.

When the trail calls my name in a way so real that my heart leaps for the longing to be lost within the travel, I'll allow my heart to sore to the forefront. Browse through online stores for all the perfect gear. It's all been thought through. It's all planned. The map has been drawn. I close my eyes and I see the dirt. The trees. The blue sky. I feel the weight of the pack. The laced shoes perched upon the hard ground. I'm ready. I long to be apart of the 20%.

My heart longs to be set free. To wander about. The free spirit I hide within longs to be unleashed and set to run wild.

I open my eyes and quickly reality sets back in. I've been tamed. The journey was just a dream. Beautiful. Reviving. It may have been nearly three years since my feet have pulled me up a mountain side. It may have been three years since my heart has been set free to run wild. It may have been three years since I have tasted that place where no one can stop the life from flowing through every part of my being. But the memory... the feeling... it's still just as alive now, in this very moment as if I am still standing far away from societal norms.

No one, nothing, can take away the freedom I feel when I'm out on a trail. It's there, in that place, I can feel God in the most tangible way. I may never grace the great A.T., but I will soak in every step. Every rock. Every tree. Every bird that the trails have to offer me.