Ok fellow mothers out there, how good are we at just sitting
and watching everyone else do it all? Mhmm. That’s what I thought. Not really
good. At least not most of us. It is ingrained in us to go and do. Take care of
our little ones… take care of our homes… take care of our men… Sadly, sometimes even in that order when
our men should be first.
Now, imagine buying your first home that needs a little tlc
and you are 7 months pregnant. Not a pretty sight, huh. You have dreams, you
have vision, you have plans………… and then you start spotting………. with a few
small contractions. Knowing you over did it, you call the midwife who tells you
“you’re done”. Period. End of
story. Sit on your butt and look at this diamond in the rough of a home you
just purchased. Don’t lift a
finger while your amazing husband, who works form 1:30 in the morning till 3:00
in the afternoon, tries his hardest to get the home in a some what livable
condition.
Thankfully, an amazing group of people came in on a Saturday
and did a ton of work for us. Enough work that I was able to finally bring home
the kitchen table and have a place for my family to sit and eat dinner
together. It was a beautiful night. I may have had a tear in my eye. I was
blown away by the generosity of this group. All I had to do was feed them. And,
of course, watch. It was stressful. I wanted to help. I wanted to get it done
faster so they could be with their families too. But I couldn’t. Just watch.
That amazing man, that I promised my tomorrows to, has
worked tirelessly… or maybe in a half asleep state… to lay beautiful laminate
flooring in our living room and through the hallway to cover the horrid floors
the house once boosted. He graciously took the spray bottles of essential oils
and vinegar that I made to help defeat the breath taking, headache inducing
smells left behind. And then would crawl out of bed at 1 in the morning to go
to work and provide for our family.
And I watched.
As he completes each little step of making this diamond our
home, I congratulate him. I cheer him on. I tell him it’s ok to take a break. I
try and cook him the best meals I can. But still, I watch. The tugging in my
heart and the battle with my inner self to just watch, is great. But it’s
starting to wane.
I’m learning to be at peace. To not be the one in control,
doing it all. Yes, I see lines I would have stroked differently, patterns I
would have laid differently, things I would have cleaned differently, but I let
it go. I tell myself that this isn’t my forever home. It is the first step in
my life with my husband and son and soon to be daughter. It is our start. It
isn’t perfect, it is a diamond in the rough.
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