Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Will Not Compromise.

How often do we accept standards that are lower than is desirable? I think for some of us, too often. I mentioned some of my struggles previously. But it is funny how some can make you question yourself for a moment.

I love me, the me I've become. It has taken a lot of years, heartbreak and being beaten down to realize who I am. To embrace who I am. To treasure who I am. It is not something I can easily give up, nor should I. But, it doesn't mean that I am always with out fault.

All too often, others like to say that I am out spoken, free spirited, independent. Yes, I am. It is part of what makes me me. But so many can't seem to see me as an individual. I never fit in with one crowd, I was always floating around, having friends in multiple crowds. Making friends has always been easy. Trying something new is enjoyable. I can do the same thing every day, or I can be spontaneous.

The other week I had a moment of disappointment with myself. After having yet another guy... who I wasn't even interested in... remind me that for a woman I am too outspoken, I became frustrated. Is a woman one who is to only be seen, but never heard? Can a woman not follow politics and form opinions for herself? Later, I got a joking text from a friend and I snapped with a really sassy comment. Oh, to take my words back. I did follow up with an apologize as soon as time aloud, but it doesn't erase the disappointment with myself... that out spoken side of me.

Oh to be stronger, that our tail feathers wouldn't be as easily ruffled. Reality has been kind enough to remind me that I am not as strong as I wish I was. Moments of weakness will happen. I just hope to improve my response to them. Yet, in the same breathe, I will not compromise who I am... have become... to appease those who can only see the average Joe and not embrace individuality. In the mean time, I will continue to work on softening the hard edges.

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Modest Monday

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