The End of Their Era.

I have incubated and hatched my own girls' eggs this year. It was exciting and nerve wrecking! Post to come on that experience.

But, with 17 precious little ones almost ready to make their debut, I needed space for them. I've noticed that egg production is down, by a good bit. And decided it was time to condense the birds from two coops into one. This left me with two problems. First, my two roo's don't like to share their roosts. Second, while I could squeeze all 22 of my birds in to the large coop, it is more so built for around 15 for comfort.  So, someones need to go.

Thus marks the end of their era. What do do with older hens? Stew meat. But, I do not do the life taking process and Pop Pop has been busy. Also, the issue of Big Boy. I hate to just kill the guy, he did such a great job as flock leader. The internet it is! I sold my girls and Big Boy to a very excited woman. I don't know what their future holds, but hope they have a happy ending.

These guys hold a special place in my heart as my gateway animals. They were the first on the property. We've learned a lot together. So, it is a little sad to see them go. But reality says I can't keep feeding someone who isn't supplying anything either. I love all my animals and strongly believe in taking care of them to the best possible. If any have to be "removed", it happens the healthiest way. If life is possible, I will choose that path first. Thankfully these girls and handsome boy get life!

I can walk around all day holding him and he's happy!

The Importance of Community Revisited.

Being there for each other. We all need someone at some point or another in our lives.

A while back I talked about the need for community while homesteading. As the  years have passed and life has gone through many changes, my thoughts have only grown stronger on the need for community. Not just in homesteading, but in parenting, life, single-hood and marriage. We are not created to be alone. God looked at Adam and saw that it was not good for him to be alone and along came Eve. 

Yes, these are my thoughts. I can't scientifically prove anything. I wont tell you that you have to live to my standard. But just think how awesome life would be if we could all truly be there for each other... would change a whole lot of things in this world we live in.

I love people. I'm totally a social butterfly. I can make friends almost anywhere. It's just who I am. It is so important for me to see people smile. I don't need to be center stage, I don't need to be showered with thank yous. In fact it makes me uncomfortable! The greatest joy is seeing someone smile... knowing they have been surprised that you thought of them... that someone cared enough. It's a beautiful thing.

On the flip side, I'm the kind of person who is there for you through the thick and thin. Best friend or simply an acquaintance. I've been known to get up and leave in the middle of dinner to drive an hour and pick up someone who missed a bus to drive another hour and half to get them home and follow it up with a another hour and half to get myself home. I couldn't tell a young girl no, spend the night at the bus stop. At news someone is ill, I'll make chicken  noodle soup and run it to their house. Someone needs to laugh, awesome! I'll find something ridiculous to do!

I've gone through some of my own lonely days. I know what it is to not receive a text/phone call for three days straight (say it ain't so!), to sit at home on a weekend with no one (son at his fathers and parents out of state) and just wish I could watch a movie or play a game with anyone, to feel like you have no one to talk to, to feel like you forgot how to laugh. I don't ever want anyone else to feel those empty emotions and so I do what I can.

I believe that is how it should be. We should desire to help someone when it is needed... and not for selfish gain, but because we just care about each others lives.

On the less personal end of my life... the homestead. I have gotten to know some amazing people. To see so many people in the surrounding community desiring to have animals, grow gardens or simply have projects to do. There is something to say about this community.

It is impossible to know it all/be able to do it all. But if you look into the community around you, you will find someone else that can. Seeds to be shared, animal grooming, butchering, ownership of a tractor. It is beautiful thing to see people coming together to help each other and be there for each other. To have a number of people who can be a phone call away with advice or visual know how. People who welcome you to their own little farm to show and teach you and others. Or simply there to encourage each other as we learn and experience together.

Not all my friends can understand my love for this little plot of land I have. Nor can they completely understand my desire for more land to grow a bigger garden and have more animals. Even when the temp is -5 and the water is all frozen, doors need to be shoveled free of snow and ice so I can get to the animals... I love it. I have to go outside at least two times a day. I get fresh air. But in the end, I couldn't have made it this far with out a community... a support group.

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He Didn't Pick Me.

I have two fears that I can't seem to shake. The first  is something happening to my son. The second is my son choosing to live with his father when he is older.

I don't speak of these fears often. There is nothing I can personally do to conquer either, so I pretend they are not an issue. As if they do not exist. Every weekend I watch him go with a smile on my face. I keep myself as busy as possible when he is gone, that way it's as if nothing is missing.

Easter was just this weekend. We decided to let him choose what he wanted to do for the holiday. He picked his father's family get together. I smiled and said you are going to have so much fun! But on the inside I was torn. He told me he couldn't wait to see what his father was going to buy him, the big egg hunt would be fun, and he would get so much money. Things. He was interested in things.

A part of my world crumbled. I felt rejected. Lonely. It is hard when you are the one teaching him, raising him, imparting the understanding of the word no, making sure he knows who God is. I don't have the extra money to buy him toys each weekend, take him out to eat regularly, get gaming systems/ipad/his own laptop. When he wants to use an electronic, when he is with me, than we share my eight year old laptop. That's just how it is. When a special event comes up on a weekend I have to beg and beg his father to take him. Usually he does end up going, but he doesn't know what happens behind the scene with my begging. I will not do it in front of him.

Sometimes it is simply hard. I want to be a fun parent too. I want him to think I'm great too. But I also so want a child that is well rounded. A child who knows he is loved by the way I raise him, not just by the things I give him. A child who is respectable. A child who doesn't think money grows on trees.

Oh my little love, I hope you know how much I love you.

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The End is Near.... For the School Year That is.

How do you know when the school year needs to be over? Well besides the log saying so, the child has no more interest. Your sweet child went from utter excitement for school to "do we have to do school today". Your patients are being challenged. You want to scream "would you just focus", but instead you grit your teeth and try to show them... for the umpteenth time... where they are in the word problem. You silently remind yourself that in less than an hour your wonderful child will return as the books are closed.

Today is one of those days that you quietly remind yourself that there are only three and a half weeks left to this fun. Then you have a couple months off before the fun begins again in July. Just three and a half weeks. You force the pleasant smile and tell you child he is doing a great job as he completes a simple math problem in on 12 minutes. You try and bargain with a rare sweet in the hopes of finishing the next problem in under 5 minutes.

As you casually slip out of your chair and walk to the window, take a deep breath. Look at the plot that will soon be filled to the brim with fresh produce and just remind yourself, three and a half weeks. Then turn around with a fresh smile on your face and rejoin that child you love. With the tension left by the window, you can finish off the rest of the math knowing the end is near for this school year.

Rebel Against Winter.

Spring has arrived. How did I celebrate it? I grabbed lunch with a friend and made dinner for another and her family. It was a beautiful way..... except for the weather.

Umm... that looks like January!

That is not the start to spring that I would like. For church yesterday, I couldn't care what the temperature was, I needed a pop of color! So while I was dressed in a warm brown sweater, I grabbed a beautiful indigo blue necklace and earrings. Not to be forgotten, I grabbed a cute pair of heels and headed off to the church... in a barn. Typically this is a casual group. Yes, there is heating and air conditioning... but they still have a few knots in the woods that make great little peep holes to the outside world. Heels are not typical attire. I turned heads, got a few chuckles, and questions from the kids. My response? Why of course a barn is the best place to wear heels... Besides I am just rebelling against winter!

For a moment I'd like to address winter.

Dear Winter,
You have made your presence know. You have given us many days below zero this year. You have dropped more snow than necessary. Enough. No, like seriously, enough! Spring has arrived! It is time for flowers, sunshine, colorful clothing. It is time for the snow to melt, trails need to be blazed, animals want to graze, birds want to soar.

Winter, please, please, please wrap up your bitter weather, allow the snow to melt. Take you wind chill and black ice with you. My goats are antsy. My chickens feel cooped up. The garden is ready to be tilled. The dogs... oh the dogs!... they have blazed a war path through the house is a desperate attempt to get energy out. So please, be kind to spring. Give her a chance to shine forth with warmth. Share the spot light. Your turn with swing back around soon enough!
Sincerely,
Frozen Disapproval

The Humor in This Life I Live.

Grow a garden.... get some chickens.... you are a country girl right? Yeah, something like that! Zoom through five years and you will approach the present. You have what kind of animals.... are you a hippie? Yeah, something like that. I wouldn't trade it. Not for a million dollars and a mansion of a cabin on the top of a hill.

Let's face it, the moment you bring home your first animal your life changes. You say there will not be more, but, oh yes!, there will be more. Chickens are the gateway animal! Your life is forever changed. Even those who say they will not embrace it will be caught watching the animals out the window.... and just might end up prancing around with goats.

It's a life you dream about, you learn to embrace, you love. There are moments of frustration, moments of hysterics, moments of pure joy. Since I believe in living life to the fullest, I decided this post need to be a fun take on the last five years of my life.

Things I've learned-
-Lugging around 80lbs of feed gives you the ability to instantly guess how much something weighs.
-How to spot the shadow of a raccoon/fox at midnight on a new moon.
-That your heart will pound faster after a near slip and fall in turkey sludge than if someone scared you awake at 2 in the morning.
-Goats are super cute.... until your doe goes into heat!
-Your goat will escape and run on that one morning you decided to be lazy and let them out in your pajamas.
-You will spend countless hours watching your animals... with a silly smile on your face.
-Chickens really do have their own personalities.
-Your turkeys will think you are the best singer... ever!
-You will be amazed at how content life will seem.
-Life will at times be busier, yet more peaceful.
-Goats run fast. Especially when they know they can provide a free show for your neighbors.... who think you are crazy.
-You get ridiculously excited when you find your first egg.
-You will feel like a failure when your first animal becomes ill/passes.
-Digging in the dirt renews your spirit.
-You will be amazed by the bounty of fresh produce you will collect on your own piece of land.
-Garden grown produce has TONS more flavor than store bought.
-You will be that crazy person trying to ward off pesky bugs in random ways.
-You will find great joy in watching your child/nieces/nephews with the animals.
-You will forget how you managed without all your animals. 
-A weekend away from feed schedules will feel like paradise... but returning home can't come soon enough.
-You start off keeping your hands clean, a few years later you shrug when you get poop on your hand. It's bound to happen, just wash well!
-You will get super excited when your father surprises you with a new shovel for cleaning the coops.
-The goats will help in their own way.

Siren helping my unimpressed father.

Let's face it, there is ups and downs with life. Animals just add to the flow with more interesting and random ways. It's a life I love. It's a life I've learned to laugh at... cause let's face it, you just have to laugh when you slid down an icy hill on your bum with a dozen eggs scattered about. Life happens, but at the end of the day you have your precious and crazy little farm waiting to great you with excitement at your return. So, go hug a chicken, dance with your goat... or whatever animal graces your presence... you will feel better for it!

 
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The End of Online Dating.

Mothers. They are amazing people. Even when they sign you up for online dating. SURPRISE! I am happy to say that after a year and half of multiple dating sites, I am finished! It is a glorious thing!! I've meet and talked to some amazing guys. I know it is not the desired path for me and if my face happens to appear on another one... it is most likely my mom.

Fare thee well!

That said... Here are my thoughts (and some gleaned from the people I've gotten to talk to)-

1. It's like you are selling yourself. Setting up your account is stressful and fun. You go through all your pictures picking out a handful. You answer all the questions that describe who you are. But, while doing this you are picking apart every little thing. Should I use this picture? Maybe not, the angle is horrible and makes me look wide. My eyes look crossed in that one. While typing out your answers you question if you should say it like that, you may seem like a snob. But don't mention this, guys may not talk to you right away. It's like a guessing game of what will get more people interested in talking.
 
2. Honesty... say what?!?! Nothing better then reading a profile and thinking "Wow, this guy seems like he has it together, loves Jesus and could be a possible match". Then you start talking and suddenly mister do good turns out to be the opposite. He doesn't really own that home... it's his parents... and he lives there... with no job in the foreseen future. Or, 5'10" really means 5'7". Yes, I can tell how tall you are in person. How about my personal favorite.... "Yes, I am a Christian. Let me tell you about Allah. By the way, you are a strong willed woman that needs to be controlled by the wills of god." Umm, what god? Allah god? Than yes, I am a strong willed woman and no, I will not be controlled. (True story, that date happened!) It all ties back to the first thought, selling yourself. Just be real.

3. It's okay to say no. Sometimes it is so hard to not answer the questions/email sent to you. You feel rude if you don't.... even if there is zero interest. Or you start talking and realize that nope, he is so not the one. It may not be easy, but it is okay to say no.

4. You don't have to stay friends. A number of times I talked to guys who were really interested in talking further, but it just didn't feel right for me or my son. And then you get the "can we be friends". Followed by you feel bad for saying well, no. I'm not looking to make friends. I will say that the second guy I talked to on eH did turn out to be an amazing friend. We keep in touch and tend to see each other every other month. Not everyone is meant to be friends, not everyone is mean to be a permanent part of your life.

5. It's still discouraging. I was signed up for online dating because I had been discouraged with trying to meet people in person. It seemed that every time I said I'm a single mom, guys ran. It was so easy to have someone ignore you or turn you down online. But even that became discouraging after you spent time talking to a guy and having them say they want to end conversation after a number of weeks/months, because they meet a girl who doesn't have a child. It hurts, you cry, and then you just keep on going. I mean if they aren't interested in my son, then I'm not interested in them. We are a package deal. But, it still hurts that people can't see the amazing blessing he is to me. I found myself ignoring emails and keeping it all surface business talk. But you have to take a chance and push through your discouragement. When you do, you just might find an interesting guy who is willing to be patient with your business mode and wait for you to get comfortable with conversation.

This much I know... it's not the life style for me! I know it has worked for some, that is totally awesome! I look forward to seeing who the man of my future will be. But it also feels so good to deactivate the account and say it is finished!

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