What mother doesn't think about the future of her child/children? We all what them to grow up and be perfect. To never hurt, to never fail in a way that would crush them. We want to protect them, see them smile and laugh. To know love and support. We want the best for them.
At the same time, we want them to lose so they can learn good sportsmanship, mess up so they know how to push themselves to succeed, fail so they know the feeling of gratification of finally doing it. All the while we are there to encourage them and dry their tears of hurt and frustration.
I'm not exempt from all this. I am a mom just like any other. I want my son to be a healthy contribution to society when he is grown. I want him to know how to not give up, how to have a back bone, how to encourage others... the list can go on. But like almost any other mom, I question if I am doing a good enough job. Is there something I should be doing better?
As a single mom, you tend to put a little extra weight on your shoulders. There is already the weight of the world on your small shoulders to hold up on your own, yet we do it. We add more. It is too easy to set a standard and push ourselves harder to meet what the rest of the world is doing. To make sure our kids are as good or better then the kids next door.... who have an active mother and father in their lives. We don't want to be just another statistic. We don't want our children to mess up and have to hear someone say "Well he is form a divorced family". So we push ourselves, we fill the role as mother, father, teacher, supporter, provider, boo boo kisser, tear wiper, bed time reader, meal server.... the list goes on.
It isn't that I want my son to be perfect. I tell him every day I don't expect him to be perfect. I do expect him to mess up. It's just important that we work together to see how we can try to do better next time. I make sure he knows we are in this together, I'm not throwing him out there on his own, but it takes the both of us working as a team.
All that said, my biggest fear in life is my son. My little love. The man in my life right now. I want so much for him, but I know I can't give it all to him. I am only one person. What if something happens to him? What if, when he is a teenager, he decides to leave me and live with his father? I know the discipline and standards are different when he is with his father, will everything I try and instill in him be wasted if he were to leave me? What if I meet a man and his family can't receive my son? The circles our thoughts can go in!
I have to remind myself from time to time to stop. I am not in control, nor can I control it all. I have to give it over to God and toss my hands in the air and once again remind myself He's got it. The funny thing is that I will try and do it all again in a few months time. I guess it's a mix of our human nature and motherly instincts. It's not easy to hand it over to God, but it sure is a lot less stress to be able to do so... and I surely don't need that one more stress in my life.
While I was going over things and getting this blog updated, I came across this entry. See what I mean? Human nature. Motherly instinct. So, next time you see that single parent pushing themselves hard, please take the time to encourage them. They are just caught up in all the titles they have to hold and sometimes forget how to take a deep breath.
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