Thursday, September 25, 2014

Insecure Me?

We, as women, tend to take on insecurities far too easily. Even when we try to be strong and sure of ourselves, insecurities find a way to creep in from time to time. Checking our hearts and thoughts seems to be an endless task at times.

Also as women, we tend to add our opinions and thoughts far too often. We mean well. We only want to help and encourage, but sometimes our attempts to encourage come crashing down... hard.

I'll be the first one to say I'm very secure in who I am, but throw my son in the picture and instantly I question myself. Am I giving him the best of me? the best chance at life? Is he ready for 3rd grade? Am I doing enough as mom and dad? How can I do better? What if he gets older and leaves me to live with his father? How can I always keep him safe (like that is even close to possible!)? When do I push him harder to try? When do I run to his side and tell him he's tried hard enough? What else should I be doing to prepare him? The thoughts of how he could benefit if he had a sibling, but thankful he's my one and only at this time in life.

Come on moms, ya know you've been there, done that. Maybe not the same things as I have written, but we all question ourselves. We love our little ones so much we want the best for them. We want them to have the world and our hearts and just everything! 

I had a conversation with another mom today. It was meant to be light hearted, non invasive. She was questioning my sons athleticism, why he's so close/attached to me and the sort. She doesn't know me, it's the first time we've ever talked. She doesn't know I'm a single mom, she doesn't know my struggles. Nothing. But in about 2 minutes time she pretty much hit all my insecurities as a single mom on the head, told me what I was doing wrong and then walked away.

I wanted to cry. I felt anything but strong. I felt alone.

It's played in my thoughts all day... why do we do that to ourselves?!?! I'm not angry, I don't despise her. I'm doing the best I know how to. My son is healthy, well cared for, loved immensely, and happy. I know one day God will bless me with a man who will love my son as much as me and that that man will help fill in where I lack... like in the athletic department!

No, I'm not perfect. No, I don't have all the answers. No, I can't do it all. Yes, I have insecurities and I work on them daily. Yes, I am open to help and directions and encouragement. I'm simply a human. I will mess up. But I am trying and I wont stop. Just please weigh your words before you tell another mom everything she's doing wrong as a mom. Us moms tend to take our babies pretty seriously.

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